I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
