i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
