I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
