How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
