So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
