Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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