Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
