the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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