dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've blown a few things in my day
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
