ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
