This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
