We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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