john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
