so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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