wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
