i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You don't make any sense
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