Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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