if i can run in heels then i can drive
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
