Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
