I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
