Where is the hickey?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dignity is for republicans.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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