I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
