why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
