i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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