Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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