Ambien. No doubt about it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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