he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
