The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
