please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
