I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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