Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
