If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
