i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just cropdusted the office
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
