I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
