True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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