Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
