So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
