So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
