he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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