ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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