Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
