god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
