I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My vagina just clenched in fear
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
