Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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