woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
