we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
