Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
