I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She bit a glass in half.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
