her vagina looked like bernie madoff
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
