So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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