Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
