just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
