so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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