you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So squirting runs in the family.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
