overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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