yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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