somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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