I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He passed out mid-signature
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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