Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
