69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
