I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
